Rating: PG
Summary: Would you go back and do it all again?
Archive: Anywhere would be wonderful, just keep my name on it please.
Feedback: Gwoman003@aol.com
Classification: Four different character vignettes. My take on Post Amor Fati, but no direct links to the ep.
Keywords: A. Some religious speak, my take on the character's opinion, it is not meant to offend anyone.
Author's Notes at the end

I only looked when
I was sure; sure that
some good would come,
some great advance.

I remember him, the eagerness, the life.

A resurrected
soul, a Phoenix
that went through
Hell and back.

To only learn that
my passage
had only begun. That
those days were
miracles;
I should appreciate
the learning experience.

Selfish can't be the word, it doesn't fit.

I'm on a quest, some
fantastic journey
That will write my name
in textbooks.

Misinformed is a long enough word, though lost is more fitting.

I was lost in doubt,
and blinded by
guilt,
that I did not see
that I had a
chance.
That I was living
for no other
reason.

* * *

I've never seen what is before me.

No, I look past that.
I look for what
is in the best interest,
or easiest.

I guess I haven't grown since high school.

I'm still a school boy,
reciting my "yes sir's"
and "no ma'ms" without any
thought or purpose.
Doing what is best from
what I was told,
not looking inside.

I'm a confusing enemy, weak target, and shaky ally.

Trust is in one's self,
and not of others.
I know I will die an
untimely death,
one of which will
be spoken with
such sorrow,
but with an underlying
message that is
unavoidable.

* * *

Clouded does not describe my mind, but my life.

For after the dust settles
it all will be clean.
That everything I see
is backward, and inverted.
I know this.

I must accept this, for it is reality.

I cannot escape this life.
It is there,
and I am to live it.
If I should not take for my own,
it is the ultimate sin.

God put me on this earth
to face adversity.
And to face this adversity
with what life taught me.

To learn all I should, and speak nothing.

For when the fog rises,
and the sun shines,
I will be last.

I will shine in His eyes,
for I knew the plan,
I paid attention, and
my mistakes were
justifiable.

I will do the work;
I will continue.

* * *

Revelations, portals, discoveries. These are what I wanted.

That I would be
the messenger
of something great,
something true.
That my compilations
and knowledge
would lead me and
guide
as a light into
darkness.

The road untaken is
what I must take.
And after all the
scratches, bruises,
and perspiration,
should I find the
connecting link?

* * *

I didn't know that through a journey a change must occur.

A regression and
progression
of some sort.

With my chin up
I did not see
for which I tread,
I only saw what
wonders lay ahead.

I did not see
that the world is
surrounding,
here,
around,
and
above.